i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
