I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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