I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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