I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
