look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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