C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
