Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
