That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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