Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sober January is a disaster.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I believe in your delicious
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
