My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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