first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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