she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
