Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
