Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
