btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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