I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
