I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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