You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
