guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
