I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
