Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
