but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
