i just google imaged poop.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
