Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
