and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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