I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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