did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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