i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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