there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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