I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
