I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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