I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
