im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
