Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
