Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
