She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
