After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
