three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
cat food counts as protein by the way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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