I just pynch a tree in the face
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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