pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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