This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
