oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
