My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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