Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
