literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
