Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
