I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
