So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
