New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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