I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
