Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
