There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
