I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
