Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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