sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
