i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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