i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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