Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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