In the future we'll all be gay
pop tarts are not kleenex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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