mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You made out with two different species that night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
